Choosing To Marry.

Wedding Seaman

For the record, I did not bring this hat to the wedding – it was provided to us! What can I say – my friends rock and their weddings therefore rock. Just sayin’. But this wedding was different for me – even causing me to think a bit beyond a previous post on marriage.

Saturday’s ceremony was incredibly short for a wedding and had virtually no religious references in it. In other words, it was perfect for me. I just don’t believe that my wedding is a time for religious leaders to try to convert people to their cause, especially when it’s not mine. After all, my significant other and I will be the “cause” of our wedding. But I realize that’s our preference – for many, religion is the main reason for a marriage/wedding.

As I sat at the wedding, I looked around at all the people. I looked around at the decor. I chatted with friends. I listened to the string quartet (didn’t actually count…oops). I watched the bridesmaids and bride and groomsmen and groom walk down the aisle. I saw the parents. I watched the ceremony. And I realized something: It’s all about choice.

Fortunately, we can choose all of this stuff for our wedding one day, too. We can choose the venue, the decor, the friends to invite, the music. We can choose our groomsmen. We can choose how we want the ceremony to go. And, of course, we’ll have chosen each other. There’s just one big difference: We can’t choose marriage itself because of something we didn’t choose to be.

But even if I could have chosen, I’d still choose this life. I’ve found more love and support in my six years or so of being openly gay than many straight people have found in a lifetime. So I’m happy with that.

At this wedding, in particular, the gravity of the vows really hit me. I guess there was a good sound system, I don’t know. Or perhaps it’s because I’m quickly approaching my quarter-life crisis. But it could be that I thought of the millions and millions of people  – millions of straight couples – who’ve taken those vows and not taken them seriously – millions and millions of people who said, “I do” when they should’ve said, “I do, IF…” You want to talk about preserving the so-called “sanctity” of marriage? Make it more difficult for anyone to marry or divorce. It’s hilarious when homewreckers and harlots sanctimoniously come out against marriage equality. We’ve all been hypocrites at times, but damn. This issue really has some crazy people saying some crazy things!

Tell you what – you let me and my man walk our happy asses down that aisle. Come watch. Put it on the news. Stream it on the web. I’ll tweet from the damn altar. Ok, I won’t.  Really. But you let me pledge my life to the love of my life and see how seriously I take it. Watch. Take it all in. Then go home and see how it negatively affected your family. I’ll save you the trouble: It wouldn’t. Why? Because my life is mine and your life is yours. Rachel Maddow said it best – “Here’s the thing about rights: They’re not supposed to be voted on. That’s why they call them ‘rights’.” And if you disagree…

Blunt? Maybe. True? Absolutely.

I’m on the right side of history. Lots of people are – more and more, in fact. But that’s the trouble with issues like this: People don’t rely on fact. They rely on what they hear and what they fear. Hopefully you won’t.

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