“Gay Wedding”

Don’t get excited (or scared) – I’m not getting married anytime soon…that I know of! But a friend of mine just wrote about what she referred to as her first “lesbian wedding.” It was a good read, and – of course – it made me think…

I’ve referred to my future wedding as my “gay wedding” or my “gwedding” (Hey, I like to make up words). But if I’m serious about making so-called “gay marriage” a reality, I should get serious about semantics. The whole marriage equality movement is geared toward making us equal. We don’t do that by using a separate term for the same commitment. All marriages should be centered on love and respect between a couple, not their gender. After all, when I look at my boyfriend, I don’t say, “I gay love you.” It’s just, “I love you.”

I’m certainly not offended by people who talk about going to their first gay wedding. I get it. It’s unique. It’s interesting. It’s something that a lot of people have yet to experience. I’m sure I’ll write about attending my first same-sex marriage, too. My friend was simply using the term to better explain why she was writing about a marriage and she did a great job of talking about why the “lesbian wedding” felt just like any other wedding – all about the love. But others use the term to create a division; to maintain separation.

Of course my marriage – my wedding – will be non-traditional. Of course we will get to create the event without the burden of keeping with tradition. But every couple has the chance to make their wedding their own. So between me and my guy – in our hearts – it’s just marriage. Because, in the end, it isn’t about us both being guys. It’s about being in love and wanting to share a life.

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Comments on: "“Gay Wedding”" (11)

  1. Caitlin Byers said:

    I read something on a friend’s FB page the other day that pretty well sums this up.

    “It’s very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage. Or, as I like to call it: ‘Marriage.’ You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car, I didn’t gay park it.” -Liz Feldman

  2. While I support marriage equality, the sad reality is that…it isn’t equal. Not yet, anyways. There are many companies, businesses, etc that don’t acknowledge a gay union when it comes to sharing benefits or certain types of pay increases that heterosexual partners earn. I’m not sure but does the US even acknowledge gay marriage when it come to filing taxes or things like that? Don’t get me wrong, I think the ability for gays and lesbians to get married is great but there’s so much more ground that must be broken for it to be considered equal. IMO.

    • Of course you’re right, Jenny! My only point isn’t that by calling it “marriage equality” instead of “gay marriage” all divisions will disappear. My point is just that we don’t make it any easier by calling it “gay marriage.” Of course, that’s why all the big equal rights places have moved beyond calling “gay marriage” to using “marriage equality” and why all the opponents of it still call it “gay marriage” and/or use the word “homosexual.”

      But yeah – my calling it “marriage equality” is still just words. All the other stuff, will come, though. Part of what I deleted in my revisions of this blog post was a line about “not if – but WHEN – marriage equality happens.” It’s a matter of time.

  3. this is awesome. i totally agree with you. love is love is love.

  4. Christopher McKenzie said:

    Well said, Kyle!

  5. It’s time to forget or delete genres. It’s time to talk about people alike. For example, you would know that what is the role of a mother and what is the role of a father? I think that is the same.
    Sorry my bad English, helped me google translator
    ABRAZOS FROM SPAIN

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